Why Phone Calls, Ordering Coffee and Introducing Yourself Can Feel So Difficult When You Stammer

Phone calls, ordering coffee and introducing yourself to new people often seem small, quick and forgettable. But for people who stammer, these interactions can feel enormous — and it is not because the conversation itself is difficult. It is because of the pressure attached to it.

There is usually very little time to think and almost no room to pause during these interactions. A phone call might only last 30 seconds, but for someone who stammers, the build-up, planning and worry can start long before the interaction even begins.

Thinking about what to say. Practising sentences in your head. Worrying about stammering. Thinking about how the other person might react.

The same can happen when ordering a coffee or introducing yourself to new people. Interestingly, one of the most commonly stammered words is actually a person’s own name.

Why Do People Stammer More In These Situations?

People who stammer usually know exactly what they want to say, which can actually increase pressure. Many people who stammer describe getting stuck on their own name, a drink order or a simple phrase they have said hundreds of times before.

This can feel confusing, especially when they may be able to talk more freely in other situations.

Stammering is not simply about “thinking before talking”, taking a breath or slowing down. Stammering is influenced by many different things, including:

• pressure

• anticipation

• emotions

• tiredness

• cognitive demand

• anxiety

• the feeling of being observed or judged

When all of these things build up together, speech can become much trickier to get out.

Avoidance Behaviours In Stammering

Over time, many people who stammer begin to find ways to cope with these interactions.

Some may avoid phone calls altogether. Some may plan ahead and choose words or sounds that feel easier. Some may point at a menu or ask somebody else to order for them. Others may avoid introducing themselves first in groups or avoid social situations altogether.

These are often called avoidance behaviours. While they can reduce anxiety in the short term, they can also make speaking situations feel even bigger over time.

If you run away every time you see a spider, you are probably still going to feel scared the next time you see one.

The Hidden Exhaustion Of Stammering

One of the most important things to understand is that people who stammer are usually already trying really hard.

Many people are constantly monitoring their speech, thinking ahead, managing anxiety and trying to communicate all at the same time.

That is exhausting.

Speech Therapy For Stammering

Speech therapy for stammering is not about “just slowing down” or forcing fluency with techniques.

Often, therapy involves:

• understanding the pressure around speaking

• reducing fear and avoidance

• building confidence

• making communication feel safer

• reducing anxiety around speaking situations

At The Stammer Space, we work with children, teenagers and adults who stammer to help speaking feel less overwhelming and more manageable.

If you would like support with stammering or speech anxiety, please get in touch with us. You can also share this blog with somebody who may find it helpful.