Talking About Stammering: How Our Language Shapes Confidence

When a child stammers, it is important that support focuses not only on speech but also on confidence and comfort speaking. Stammering is not something a child chooses or causes, so how we speak about it can have a powerful impact. Neutral and accepting language helps children feel understood rather than corrected.

We would not usually tell a child that their drawing was “bad” or that their accent is “getting worse,” because we know this could discourage them. Talking about a stammer works in the same way. If adults label speech as “good” when a child sounds fluent and “bad” when stammering is more noticeable, a child can begin to feel that fluent speech is the only acceptable speech. Instead, it is more helpful to talk openly and gently about stammering so it does not become something they should be ashamed of and feel they must hide.

Rather than saying “It’s bad today,” you might say “It seems more frequent today,” or “Talking feels a bit trickier today.” Instead of “It’s good today,” you might say “It seems less frequent,” or “Talking feels easier.” These phrases simply describe what is happening without implying success or failure. It is also useful to focus on what the child is saying, rather than how they say it. For example, replacing “Well done, you haven’t stammered today,” with “I really enjoyed what you said.”

It is absolutely fine to acknowledge stammering when it happens. This helps reduce shame. However, comments such as “Slow down” or “Try again” can feel like instructions, and a child may hear them as reminders that their speech needs correcting. A neutral alternative might be, “That got a bit stuck, didn’t it. Well done for carrying on.” This recognises their experience and perseverance, rather than fluency.

Because stammering naturally varies, praising fluent days and showing concern on days when stammering increases can lead to a child hiding their stammer. Over time this can create the more hidden parts of stammering, such as self-consciousness, avoidance or anxiety about speaking, which often have a greater impact than speech itself.

At The Stammer Space, we support children and adults who stammer, along with parents, carers and professionals. We help you use supportive communication that reduces pressure and builds confidence. We also provide specialist speech and CBT therapy to support acceptance, self-advocacy and ease in communication. Therapy is available online to fit in with you.

If you would like to learn more about how we can help, please get in touch.